The Life I Was Supposed to Want

First Light

Hey! Glad you made it here on my Xanga - a reference only milennials would know (don't age me :)). As a reintroduction, I'm Joe, 35, Filipino-American and divorced.

This is the first post on this site. One of many.

I started this to share what I've been through — digital nomading, a divorce, a midlife crisis, an identity crisis as a millennial and a second-gen immigrant. The vulnerability part is a little nerve-racking. But I've got this curious itch to understand what happiness looks like across different cultures, backgrounds, ages, all of it.

Because happiness comes from different lenses. The more we expose ourselves to, the clearer ours gets. Glad you're still reading. Grateful you're here. Hope something I share lands with you.

Here's what's been sitting with me this week.

The Life That Made Sense on Paper

Coming from an immigrant family, there are these expectations. You did everything right.

The degree. The job your parents can say out loud to their friends. The plan nobody questions.

You did it. And you keep waiting for it to feel like enough.

Maybe it doesn't. Not in a falling-apart way — more a flatness you can't quite point to. The group chat is planning baby showers and house tours. You're happy for them. And quietly doing the math on whether you're behind.

You don't say any of this. How do you complain about a life that looks this good? People would trade you for it. So you call it ingratitude and keep it to yourself. You tell yourself this is just what your thirties are.

I did the same thing for years. Right school, right firm, the whole list — waiting for the part where it clicks. It didn't, and I stayed quiet about it until my marriage ended and I couldn't anymore. So I'm not writing this from above. I just stopped pretending earlier than I planned to.

Here's what I keep coming back to. That flat feeling isn't proof something's wrong with you. Most of the time it's the first sign you've started paying attention.

And the list — it came from somewhere. For a lot of us, from parents who left everything they knew and worked jobs that wore their bodies out, so we'd have options they never got. The list wasn't pressure for its own sake. It was love, in the only language they had time for. Degree. Steady job. House. Don't waste it.

So we didn't and became the responsible one. The kid who did it right — because doing it right was how you said thank you.

Then the ground moved. We held up our end and the rent doubled and the math stopped working and nobody sent an apology. You end up holding two true things at once: grateful for what they gave up, and not sure the life it bought actually fits you.

You don't have to resolve that this week. You don't have to quit, or have an answer, or feel guilty for asking. You can be grateful and still ask which parts of this are actually yours.

That's it. Not a new plan. Just looking a little closer.

You don't have to fix it. You just have to stop pretending you don't feel it.

Through the Lens

This is me. Showcasing who I am, trying to figure things out. Life can be difficult, and everyone is fighting some kind of battle. But at the end of the day, it's not that deep. So make sure you "Don't forget to smile."

Simple Secrets of Happy People

Your life has purpose and meaning.

You're not here to fill space. You're not a background character in someone else's movie. Think about it. If you had never existed, nothing would be the same. Every place you've ever walked into. Every person you've ever talked to. All of it would be a little different without you.

We're all connected. We're all shaped by the people around us — their choices, their words. Even just the fact that they showed up at all. You matter more than you think. Not because of anything you've done. Just because you're here.

One Small Thing

There's a line in Life's Little Instruction Book I keep coming back to:

Compliment three people every day.

It doesn't hurt to be kind and spread kindness. You will never know what other people are going through. Be the person to uplift others.

Still figuring it out,
Joseph 😌